How To Make Uber Cool Beats That Rick Ross Would Rap On

So a lot of people who start producing always ask me “Yo Niece, how do you make beats the big name rappers spit on” they ask me just like that, I promise. I tell them, there’s different variables on how to compose a perfect beat. The right baseline matched with the perfect set of strings, horns and piano. The melody has to move you, basically you just have to feel like its right, if it doesn’t make you smile, you didn’t make a good one. I tell that to people, but sometimes I like to have fun, so I tell them this instead.

You got to add “dramatic” to your beat, it should be a button on pro tools and fruity loops, a button called “Dramatic”. It needs to sound like Carl Off’s O Fortuna and Rich Strauss’ Also Sprach Zarathustra has sex with Diddy,

This Diddy….

and Kanye,
This Kanye…

and made two children that became Tyler Perry movie endings. I want to see ships being shot by clones while Luke Skywalker is running through Little Italy trying stop Vito Corleone from murking Don Fanucci. If it doesn’t sound epic enough, just keep hitting that “Dramatic” button, you’ll get there.

Don’t forget to put in some of that base too, when I’m riding round the block, everyone within a 5 mile radius should hear me coming, my girl should be deaf for a week. The baseline is so important, you know us black folk need to have that base to properly express ourselves on a track. Remember to fluctuate that base too, don’t make it all the smae tone, I like when my base be fluctuating.

When you got that under control, then you got to add that bounce. It has to be something CRAZY. If Jay-Z isn’t making this face

then you don’t have enough bounce dog. Spanish women should be wanting to break out and Salsa during their daughters Quinceanera. Bounce is so very important, how else are people going to dance. Picture the club if you will, you don’t see anybody on the floor getting buck if your beat doesn’t have any bounce in it. Thugs should be making high pitched noises that only Dogs can here when your beat drops, so you got to keep that bounce bouncing.

Samples! Not the samples at Wal-Mart from the lady making chilli in the cereal aisle, but music sampling. You have to chop that beat up beyond recognition. play the sample ever so slow so people know what it is, then suddenly, slice a section of it that no one would ever think to use and loop it. I like to compare sampling to Tilapia Fish. You look at it, you know its fish but when you eat it, its not what you expected at all, IT TASTE LIKE CHICKEN! I want my beats to be Tilapia, look like fish, taste like chicken, surprise me. I want Anita Baker’s voice to be singing all slow and sad like then suddenly scream like a Banshee out of Hell. I want you to take a line someone said and make a completely new phrase out of it. If a man said “I love spinach dip and cheesy tacos but it gives me Diarrhea” your hook needs to be “I love Spinach Diarrhea”. Put that sample in a choke hold.

Finally to top it all off, your beat needs to have some sounds effects. Preferably gun shots, no good beat is completel without a 9 mill blasting off inconspicuously in the background or an Assault Rifle spraying away with no regard to human life. If you desire something more destructive then use a nuclear bomb effect that just eradicates entire cities, ask Harry Truman something about that, he knows what I’m talking about. In fact, the track should just end with a bomb, just because its fitting. You shouldn’t limit yourself to one sound effect, find and download Pharrell’s Neptune’s sound packs, add ALL of those effects in the same beat, just make it sound trippy. I don’t want the listener to know what sound is coming next. Is it a Bird? Is It A Plane? No! Its a Rotary Telephone! Trust me, rappers like sound effects.

If you follow all of these steps you’ll have Rick Ross “Whooing”, Pusha T “ugghing” Kanye West “ehhhing” and Drake shaking his hand uncontrollably. My friend, you have just made a perfect beat

By Eskee
@LifeWithNeCee




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