Sooooooo, the press conference wasn’t exactly all it was hyped up to be, its just fell a tad bit short of epicness. In my opinion (and a lot of peoples on twitters opinion), there were a few things we would have liked to have seen and things that could have happened. Come into my fantasy world and let me tell you all the wonderful things I think of.
Back in my day, I helped plan a few events, a high school prom, a mixer for the elderly, a dodgeball tournament, so that makes me pretty qualified to reconstruct MMG’s press conference from yesterday and come up with something incredible, allow me to be Chair of the Conference Committee for a second.
1. Have A Live Orchestra Play O Fortuna In The Beginning While Diddy Walked Out and Performed “Hate Me Now” Remix With Nas, Rick Ross, Wale, French Montana, Meek Mill, & Lyor Cohn
Can you imagine the holy s*!% level that would have been reach if something like this occured? When they played that trailer in the beginning with the popular rapper epic sample by Carl Orff, they should have done a cutaway to Nas in all his shiny suit glory and he spits “Don’t hate me, hate the money I see, clothes that buy…”, the press would have went nuts, then Ross comes on there with a “uggghhhh”, oh man, bladders would have no control. Top it all off with Lyor Cohn at the ending saying he hasn’t done a press conference since he signed Rocafella, Paramedics would have had to be on scene.
2. A Big & Tall Reebok Line For The Females
We get it, Ross is big, but he has millions of dollars to buy the most lavish of apparels, so he’s still fly, and big dudes don’t really need a Reebok “Big Boy” line, a couple watches, fly kicks snap backs, boom, flyness. I feel like the big women in the urban world have voices that are not being heard, they don’t have a strong brand or role model to look up to. Toccara, Monique, Jennifer Hudson and more have shed the pounds, abandoning the larger than life ladies. Ross could have took advantage of this opportunity to come out with the plus size ladies brand and then announced that he signed Gabourey “Precious” Sidibe to Reebok to be the spokeswoman. I would have lost it.
I really don’t care where French Montana goes, I want to have it mandated that every time he makes an appearance this girl (who’s name I don’t know), must be present. I don’t care if he’s mowing his lawn, she better be there in a 2 piece bathing suit tanning while the Shot Caller instrumental blares in the background.
4. The Entire Press Conference In 3D
The camera man was doing a crap job anyways and this was suppose to be the biggest spectacle of our lifetime. Why not do it in 3D, Wale’s braided ponytail would have smacked you in the face when he turned around.
5. A Speech Writer For Omarion
This speech had struggle written all over it
6.A New Wingstop Chiken Flavor
Y’all know Rozay has some shares in Wingstop (which is delicious ass chicken by the way). It would ahve been nice to see the homie launch a new flavor. How about an Italian Parmesan or a Brown Sugar Barbecue, you can’t tell me you wouldn’t be interested.
7. A Q&A Session
I would have liked to see questions asked to the MMG crew at the end of the press conference, things that had to be on everybody’s mind like “Why does Omarion have a blonde check in his head? Does he have a deal with Nike?”, “Why is Wale sitting in front of Meek Mill at the table? is there a power struggle going on”, “Is the world really ending in December or where the Mayians on that lean?” You know, the big hitter questions.
8. Kanye Being Brought Out To Say Absolutely Nothing
This is the new way to do things, any other way is unacceptable.
9. A Preview Of That Ross/Jay-Z First Single
This is actually a serious one, would have been nice if we got a sound bite…but at least we got that Omarion trailer, yeah, that good ole’ Omarion trailer.
10.Omarion Showing Off Some Off Those “Incredible Dance Moves” That Ross Mentioned
He could have left the building touching everybody, JUST LIKE THE TOUCH VIDEO! I’m not sure if Elliot Wilson and Lyor Cohn would want to be touched, but maybe everybody else who was sitting down, then they would have been activated and started dancing, JUST LIKE THE TOUCH VIDEO. I would be in awe of the coordination, I’m surprised they didn’t think of that.
Now doesn’t that sound like a hell of a press conference?